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Part 144 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings


*और श्रीमती जी नाराज़ हो गईं*

श्रीमती जी ने पूछा: "इस बार एनिवर्सरी पर क्या गिफ्ट दे रहे हो?"
मैंने पूछा: " क्या एनिवर्सरी इसी महीने है?"

*और श्रीमती जी नाराज़ हो गईं* 
😡😡😡 समझ ही नहीं आया क्या हुआ? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 श्रीमती जी ने कहा: "क्यों न आज बाहर खाना खाएं?" 🍸🍹🍴🍽🍪🍮🍿 और मैंने खाने की टेबल बाहर बरामदे में लगा दी। *और श्रीमती जी नाराज़ हो गईं* 😡😡😡 पता नहीं क्या हुआ? 🙄🙄🙄🙄 श्रीमती जी ने कहा: "क्या इस साल मैं उम्मीद रखूं कि गर्मी की छुट्टियों में हम कहीं चलेंगे?" मैंने कहा: "उम्मीद रखो। उम्मीद तो कभी छोड़नी नहीं चाहिए!" *और श्रीमती जी नाराज़ हो गईं* 😡😡😡 मैंने तो पॉज़िटिव रिप्लाई दिया था!! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 मैंने किताब में पढ़ा था पत्नी के खाने की तारीफ करो। सो मैंने कहा: "तुमने आज बहुत बढ़िया सब्ज़ी बनाई है। आज कुछ अलग ही स्वाद है!" *और श्रीमती जी नाराज़ हो गईं* 😡😡😡 (बिटिया ने बताया कि सब्ज़ी पड़ोस वाली आंटी दे गई थी। अब मेरी क्या गलती थी? क्या मैं अंतर्यामी था?" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 मैं वजन करने वाली डिजिटल मशीन लेकर आया था। उसके इंस्ट्रक्शन बुकलेट में लिखा था: "Step on it gently, otherwise the glass may break." जब श्रीमती जी वजन करने के लिए चढ़ने लगी तो मैंने सावधान किया: "आराम से चढ़ना, वरना मशीन टूट जाएगी" *और श्रीमती जी नाराज़ हो गईं* 😡😡😡 अब क्या सावधान करना भी गलत है? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 आन मिलो सजना फ़िल्म का गाना चल रहा था: "वहीं जहां कोई आता जाता नहीं।" श्रीमती जी रोमांटिक मूड में बोली: 😍😍😍 "क्यों न हम दोनों आज कहीं ऐसी जगह चलें *जहां कोई आता जाता नहीं*" मैं उसे कांग्रेस भवन ले गया। *और श्रीमती जी नाराज़ हो गईं* 😡😡😡 अब मेरी क्या गलती? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

*********

*⚃Life is a story. So try to make yours the best seller!*
💦💧💦💧💦🎆💦💧💦💧💦
*⚁Yu Naa Jhanko Gareeb K Dil Me.
Yahan Hashratein Be-libaas Rehti Hai.*
💦💧💦💧💦🎆💦💧💦💧💦
*⚄कभी किसी के चेहरे को मत देखो बल्कि उसके दिल को देखो, 
क्योंकि अगर "सफेद" रंग में वफा होती तो "नमक" जख्मों की दवा होती ".!!*
💦💧💦💧💦🎆💦💧💦💧💦
*⚅Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.*
💦💧💦💧💦🎆💦💧💦💧💦

*********

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.
 
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.
 
The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
 
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.
 
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the bloody R!"

His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
 
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies, "The word was... CELEBRATE!"

*********

मेरा एक पडोसी👴🏼 है जिसका नाम भगवान है और उसकी बेटी का नाम पूजा👩🏻 है।😁😂😂
.
.
मम्मी👵🏼 कहती थी कि "भगवान की पूजा में मन लगाया कर"।
अब मम्मी को कैसे बताऊँ कि पूजा में तो मन लग गया है लेकिन भगवान नहीं मान रहा।  
😜😜😜😜😜

*********

*💐Never try to test GOOD PEOPLE, Because good people are like mercury. When you hit them, they will not break, but they just slip away from your life silently.*
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦
*🌹Nothing Binds You Except Your Thoughts. Nothing Limits You Except Your Fear. Nothing Controls You Except Your Beliefs. Everything Is Within You.*
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦
*🌷"Success is like a train.  It has several compartments: Hardwork, Focus, Luck, etc. but leading all those is the engine of confidence. So keep it fit."*
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦
*🌺अगर बनना है तो उस तालाब की तरह बनो, जहाँ "शेर" भी पानी पिता है और "हिरन" भी, वो भी 'सर' झुका के...*
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦

*********

It was a crowded flight and a beautiful lady aged around 40 years boarded the flight as the passenger. She searched for her seat and found her seat was next to a black man.

She showed that she wasn’t in a hurry to take her seat as she found it too hard and awkward to sit next to a black man.

Feeling disgusted, the beautiful lady called the air hostess and asked her to change her seat.

The air hostess requested for a reason why she would like to change the seat.
She replied, “It is impossible for me to sit next to a black man, I hate it! 

The air hostess was shocked to hear these hard words from the one who looked so dignified and composed.
She again demanded her to get her a new seat. The airhostess said she would do so and requested her to wait for a few minutes. 

The air hostess went in search of an empty seat for the lady. The air hostess told the lady, ‘I’m afraid Madam, there is no vacant seat in the economy class and the flight is almost full! However, we do follow the policy to fulfil the desires of our passengers to the maximum extent possible. So, give me a minute, I will check with my captain and get back to you, as we feel it is not fair to force a passenger to have an unpleasant seat!’

The lady waited for a couple of minutes and the air hostess came.

The latter replied, ‘Madam, sorry for this inconvenience. We don’t want to make your journey unpleasant by making you sit next to someone with whom you aren’t comfortable. There is one seat available in the First Class. Although we don’t allow any passenger to move from economy class to first class, to make you a happy customer, we are doing this for the first time in our company’s history. Our captain agreed to shift from economy class to first class.!’

Just before the lady said any word as a reply, the air hostess humbly requested the black man and told him, ‘Dear sir, would you please shift your seat to first class? Please retrieve all your personal items from your seat and our captain would like to move you to first class as we don’t really want to have an uncomfortable journey sitting next an unpleasant person, with an ugly mind!‘

The lady was quiet and frozen! A few of the fellow passengers were happy and gave huge applause for the flight crew!
*********
जनसंख्या नियंत्रण का जो काम आज तक कोई सरकार नही कर सकी....

वो काम पिछले कुछ सालों मे प्राइवेट स्कूलों की बढ़ती हुई फीस ने कर दिखाया ।

😂😂😂

*********

*💐Truth is not something outside to be discovered, it is something inside to be realized.*
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦
🌺गाँव में *नीम* के पेड़ कम हो रहे है, घरों में *कड़वाहट* बढती जा रही है !   जुबान में *मीठास* कम हो रही है, शरीर मे *शुगर* बढती जा रही है !
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦
*🌹किसी महा पुरुष ने सच ही कहा था की जब *किताबे सड़क किनारे रख कर बिकेगी और जूते काँच के शोरूम में तब समझ जाना के लोगों को ज्ञान की नहीं जूते की जरुरत है।*
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦
*🌷Time is the most elastic element in the world. It increases minutes when we are waiting and decreases hours when we are enjoying.*
💦💧💦💧💦💙💦💧💦💧💦

*********

*Cicero of the Roman empire wrote this about the situation during his lifetime:*

1. The poor - work & work.
2. The rich - exploit the poor.
3. The soldier - protects both.
4. The taxpayer - pays for all three.
5. The wanderer - rests for all four.
6. The drunk - drinks for all five.
7. The banker - robs all six.
8. The lawyer - misleads all seven.
9. The doctor - bills all eight.
10. The undertaker - buries all nine.
11. The Politician - lives happily on account of all ten.

*********

The two documents in the world, that has maximum number of lies are:

😊😍Love Letter
😊😏 Leave Letter
😀😀

*********

"SIXTH SENSE "

Blind man in a Hotel...

Manager - Menu Sir ??

Man - I'm blind, just bring me ur kitchen spoon, I'll smell it & order.

Manager got a spoon
Blind man smelt & said "Yes, I'll have garlic bread with seasoned potatoes...

"Unbelievable" said the manager...

Every week he came & was correct each time.

Once manager wanted to trick him, He went to the kitchen and told his wife
Maria "Rub this spoon on ur lips". She rubs it on her lips and gives it to her hubby...

Blind man smelt & said, 
"Oh ! My God......!!
My  old lover Maria also works here!!

Manager fainted !!!
😝😝😝😝😝😝😜
 😘😘😘😘😘😘😜

**********

This is a great analogy:

*You are holding a cup of coffee when someone comes along and shoves you or shakes your arm, making you spill your coffee everywhere. Why did you spill the coffee?*

"Well because someone bumped into me, of course!"

Wrong answer.

You spilled the coffee because coffee was in the cup. 
If tea had been in it, you would have spilled tea.

 Whatever is inside the cup is what will come out.

Therefore, when life comes along and shakes you (which will happen), whatever is inside of you will come out. It's easy to fake it until you get rattled.

So we have to ask ourselves....what's in my cup? 

When life gets tough, what spills over? 
Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility?
 Or anger, bitterness, harsh words and actions?
*You choose!*

Today let's work towards filling our cups with gratitude, forgiveness, joy, words of affirmation to yourself and others, kindness, gentleness, and love

*********

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