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Part 132 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings


I told Someone "OMG! Arranged Marriage ?? How can u Marry someone WITHOUT knowing ??" 🤔🤔

The Reply was "OMG! Love Marriage ?? How can u Marry someone AFTER knowing ??"😜🤣😋😂😆

*********

No wonder Prabhas got 6000 marriage proposals after Bahubali😝😝
The reason why ladies love Amarendra Baahubali is  not that he is handsome, good fighter or his ability to control elephants.... but his ability to say 

"Amma, you are wrong.. My wife is right!!" 😜😜

*********

*Amitabh Bacchan* says..."At the peak of my career, I was once travelling by plane. The passenger next to me was elderly gentleman dressed in a simple shirt 
and pants. He appeared to be 
middle class, and well educated. 
Other passengers  perhaps recognising who I was, but this gentleman appeared to be 
unconcerned of my presence... He was reading his paper, looking out of the window, and when tea was served, he sipped it quietly. 
Trying to strike a conversation with him I smiled. The man courteously smiled back and said 'Hello'. 
We got talking and I brought up the subject of cinema and movies and asked, 'Do you watch films?' 
The man replied, 'Oh, very few. 
I did see one many years ago.' 
I mentioned that I worked in the movie industry.
 The man replied.." oh, that’s nice. What do you do?'  
I replied, 'I am an actor ' 
The man nodded, 'Oh,  that's 
wonderful!'  And that was it...  
When we landed, I held out 
my hand and said, " It was good to travel with you. By the way, my name is Amitabh Bacchan !' 
The man shook my hand 
and smiled, "Thank you... nice to have met you..I am *J. R. D. Tata!"*
I learned on.that day that no matter how big you think you. are, there is always someone *bigger than you*.

*Be humble, it costs nothing.*

*********

What do you call a bee that comes from America?

USB

No claps please!😄😄
 
What do you call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day?

Jaswanti

One More ☝😁

Why don't people clap in Afghanistan?

Because of 'Tali-ban'!😀

 Acha ek aur ☝😁

How do you ask your 'Maasi' to take a dip in water?

Diplomacy!😀😀

Ye wala last ☝😁

How do you say "she is calling a cab" in one word?

Vocabulary!😜😁

Ye wala ek dum last☝ 

Which Pakistani cricketer does not have a date of birth?

Umar Gul..

😝😝 Bonus One

What you call a fat girl waiting at the Bus Stop.

Simple its - MOTIVATING.
😀😁😂😂😝 ... 😜

*********

Interviewer - so what's your email ID?

Candidate- sir, abc@xyz.com

Interviewer - and password?

Candidate- 12345678

Interviewer - you shared such a confidential information so easily for the job. How can we trust that you will not share any confidential information of the company for some better offers?

 Candidate - Sir, I might have shared my password with you but I don't think you can still login to my email account. Let's look for the possibilities. My password can be

12345678

Or

Onetwothreefourfivesixseveneight

Or

1twothreefourfivesixseveneight

1twothreefourfivesixseven8….. so on

Or

2444666668888888 (one 2, three 4….)

13355557777778 (1, two 3, four 5……, 8)….. so on

Or

Combination of all of these…

By the way, did I mention use of capitals?     :P :D

Finally that candidate was offered with the position as 
" HR Manager"

*********

Once, a very poor man came to Buddha.

He asked:
- Why am I so poor?

Buddha answered:

- You are poor because you don’t practice generosity. You don’t practice charity.

- But how can I practice charity if I don’t have anything to give?

- You have five treasures that you can share with others.

First, you have your face.
You can share your smiles with others.. It's free.. And awesome.. And has an amazing impact on others.. 

Second, you have your eyes.
You can look at others with eyes full of love and care.. Genuinely you can impact millions.. Make them feel so good.. 

Third, you have your mouth.
With this mouth you can say nice things to others.. Talk good.. Make them feel valued.. Spread joy and positivity.. 

Then, you have a heart.
With your loving heart you can wish happiness to others.. Make others feel a bundle of emotions.. Touch their lives.. 

Last treasure that you possess is your body.. 
With this body you can do many good things to others.. Help the people who need.. Help is not money.. A small caring gesture can light up lives..

Do these.. 
Feel rich..😇

*********

Dr.- Your case is quite complicated.

Patient- Why doctor? What happened?

Dr.- You got a disease from the chapter  which I left as optional during my studies...

😐😕😕🤣

*********

ಉತ್ತರ ಕರ್ನಾಟಕದ ಹಳ್ಳಿ ಮದುವೆ ಸಂಭ್ರಮ:
ಸ್ನೇಹಿತ : ನಿನ್ನ ಹೆಂಡತಿಯ ಹೆಸರನ್ನಾ ಒಗಟಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಹೇಳು.
👫💑
ಮದುಮಗ: ಕಂಟ್ಯಾಗ ಕಂಟಿ ಜಿಡ್ರಗಂಟಿ, ನನ್ನ ಹೆಂಡತಿ ಜಗಳಗಂಟಿ ಜಯಾ. 😜😜😜
ಸ್ನೇಹಿತ : ನಿನ್ನ ಗಂಡನಾ ಹೆಸರನ್ನಾ ಒಗಟಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಹೇಳು.
ಮದುಮಗಳು: ಅಮವಾಸೆ ಕತ್ತಲಿ, ಗೋಧಿ ಬಿತ್ತಲಿ, ನನ್ನ ಗಂಡನ ಹೆಸರು ಗೊತ್ತಿದ್ರು ಕೇಳತಿಯಲ್ಲಾ ನಿನ್ನ ಹೆಣಾ ಎತ್ತಲಿ..!!
😜😜😃😃

*********

Do you still remember those awkward days in schools during Exams ?

When a bright student tells the invigilator that question 4 has a problem, but you have already answered it...😳😜

When a fellow student asks for a graph paper, but you are finished and did not see anywhere where it was required...😧 😁😁

When the invigilator says jump question 6 we will rectify it later, but it was the question you enjoyed most when answering...😟 😱😲

When you see people busy using rulers and you are wondering what is going on...😣😫😫

When you hear your friends arguing after the exam whether the answer to question 5 was 35.5% or 36.5% and your answer was 1800 😩😏

The cream. When the other students asked for 4-5 additional answer sheets and You had two pages empty in the main answer sheet😨😰😱

See where you have reached in life inspite of those moments...things are not permanent...enjoy life! 😃😃

Only for those who enjoyed their school life😂😂😂

Top 10 Dialogue of teacher
👉 If you are not interested then you may  leave the class.
👉 This class is worse than a fish market.
👉 Are you here to waste your parents money? 
👉 Tell me when you all have finished talking.
👉 Why are u laughing? Come here n tell us we'll also laugh. 
👉 Do you think teachers are fools to teach you?
👉 Don't try to act oversmart with me.
👉 Why do u come to school when you don't want to study.
👉 The previous batch was 100 times better than yours.
👉 If you want to talk then u may get out from the class.

And the best one
👉 You yes you...  I am talking to you only, don't look back.. 😄😄
.
.
.
I'm sure that the last line made all of you remember and smile .
This was our school days. 
The best part was that we used to have the most innocent face to show at that point..😂😂

*********

ಒಂದ್ ನಾಕೈದ್ ಜನ ಇಸ್ಪೀಟ್ ♠♥♣♦ಆಡ್ತಾ ಕುಂತಿದ್ರ .
ರಪಕ್ ಅಂತಾ ಒಂದ್ ಪೋಲೀಸ್ ಜೀಪ್ 🚔 ಬಂದ್ ನಿಂದ್ರತು
ನಮ್ ಚಂದ್ರ್ಯಾ ಓಡಿ ಹೋಗಿ ಜೀಪ್ ಹತ್ತಿ ಕುಂತಕೊಂಡ...
 
ಪೋಲಿಸ್ - ಯಾಕಪಾ ನಾವ್ ಹಿಡಾಯಕ ಮೊದಲೇ ಜೀಪ್ ಹತ್ತಿ ಕುಂತಿಅಲಾ ಯಾಕ...?😯😳. . . 😡😡

ಚಂದ್ರ್ಯಾ - ಲಾಸ್ಟ ಟೈಮ್ ಹಿಂಗ ರೇಡ ಮಾಡಿ ಹಿಡದಾಗ ನನಗ ಕುಂದ್ರಾಕ ಜಾಗಾನ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿರಲಿಲ್ರೀ..😰😰

*********

मैंने माँ से कहा..
तेरे लिए मेरी क्या क़ीमत है।     
😄
माँ बोली..बेटा तू लाखो मै नहीं करोड़ो मै है।😍
.
मै बोला माँ से .....करोड़ मे से 1.5 लाख रु दे दे bullet लेर्नी है ...😜
दे थप्पड़..दे थप्पड़ ..दे थप्पड़।
.
.
.
अगले दिन फिर.....
.
: मां - बेटा, तुम तो पढ़ने में बड़े होशियार हो फिर ट्यूशन वाले को रखने की क्या जरूरत है?
.
बेटा- मां, तुम भी तो घर का काम करने में होशियार हो फिर काम वाली बाई को रखने की क्या जरूरत...
.
फिर क्या ...
दे चप्पल दे चप्पल
😄😄😄😘
.
.
.
.
अगले दिन फिर ....
.
बेटा -,"माँ मुझे 100 रुपए चाहिए थोडा काम है।
.
माँ,"क्यों?अभी परसो ही तो दिए थे।पहले उसका हिसाब दो।
.
लड़का,"माँ अगर हिसाब ही होना है तो उसका भी हो जाऐ जब बचपन में रिश्तेदार दे जाते थे और आप रख लेते थे।
.
माँ-दे चप्पल दे चप्पल,,,,😁😁😁
.
.
.
अगले दिन ...
.
माँ: बेटा क्या कर रहा है?
बेटा: पढ़ रहा हूँ!
माँ: अरे वाह! क्या पढ़ रहा है?
.
बेटा: आप की होने वाली बहू के मेसेज*
.
*140 किमी/घण्टा की रफ़्तार से उड़ता हुआ चप्पल कनपटी पर लगा
😝😝
.
अगले दिन ....
.
- मेरे लाल, तेरी आँखों में क्यों नमी है..?
.
बेटा :- मेरी माँ, तेरे घर में  बहू की कमी है...😁
.
*दे चप्पल, दे चप्पल*😂

*********

*The Art of dealing ....*

A retired old couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman promised to hold a car for them.

But they found the car was just sold to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top. 

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply, *"Young man, you said you hold that car till we raised the $95,000 asking price, yet you closed the deal for $75,000 to the young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no discount for this model !*

"The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

"Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman walked over to the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

*_"There you go," she said. "I told you I could get him to lower the price. See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."_*

Once again..... don't mess with seniors. I love this one. 
A great laugh. 😛😛😛😛😛

*********

*HIGHER EDUCATION*

 
CHICKPET, Bangalore is known the business hub of Bangalore City with more than 1000 shops in the locality. 

This place is always crowed as people throng to buy clothes, furniture, toys etc. at a wholesale price. 

A gentleman had been there as part of his Educational Research to talk to few shop keepers to understand how they do business and what education has to do to them with regards to their business. 

During his interaction with many shop keepers in Chickpet, he found that, most of them were from Rajasthan. One more interesting thing that he  found was that most of them were in their teenage. 

Out of all, meeting a young 10th dropout who runs a clothes shop was very interesting. His name was Bramhadev from Rajasthan. 
Sharing a few discussions here.

As he went into the crowded shop as a customer, he greeted me with a great smile calling "Anna banni, en bekithu". (Meaning: Brother, what do you want) 
(The conversation was in Kannada, that has been translated it below) 

GM: I wanted to check for some nice shirt and pant piece.

Bramhadev: Tell me sir, what is the range you are looking at?

GM :  You first show me all the clothes, let me choose out of those.

Bramhadev: Sure sir and started showing me all his collections. 
(Meanwhile during the selection time, I thought of asking him few questions, which was my only intention)

GM: How did you learn Kannada?

Bramhadev: Sir, obviously by talking to people.

Gm: But, your Kannada is very fluent!

Bramhadev: Sir, initially, I found it difficult, but, when I continued speaking to customers, I learnt it on the fly. Now, I speak better than Bangalore Kanndigas.

GM: Superb. When did you start this business?

Bramhadev: It’s almost 10 years now. I started it when I failed in my 10th. My uncle got me into this business.

GM: How many languages can you speak?

Brahmadev: I can speak, Hindi, English, Kannada, Marathi, Tamil, Telugu & Malayalam.

GM: Oh my God ! How did you learn so many 

Brahmadev: I told you sir, Customers taught me.

GM: Sorry to ask you, but still out of curiosity, I just wanted to know what would be your monthly turnover?

Brahmadev: Ummmm, it depends on the festival season. Normally, the turnover would be around 8 - 9 lakhs per month, and during festivals it will shoot up to 15 lakhs. Profit up to Rs. 4 lakh per month.

GM: What? Oh my God! That’s a super number! Great man!

Brahmadev: What great sir? In Chickpet, this is very less. Others make double than what I do.

GM: Didn't you feel like completing your education by studying further?

Brahmadev: Sir, to be honest, none of our family members completed education. To complete my education it might take another 5 - 6 years which I feel is a big waste of time and money. I invested both in my business. Today, I will challenge none of the educated person with 10 years experience will earn as much as I do. What do you say sir?

GM: Hmmm....Yes. True. But still education would have helped you grow more than what you are earning today.

Brahmadev: Seriously No sir. Education would give us fear and make us feel that, one has to work under someone to earn their livelihood. Education does not teach us to live independently. I also have many friends who studied along with me and completed graduation. None are into business. Almost all are working in some private firm.

GM: Hmmmm....So you don't regret completing education?

Bramhadev: Definitely No sir. I am very happy. (In between our conversation, another customer had purchased around 20 pairs of shirt and pant, and few sarees. Without using a calculator Bramhadev calculated the total cost of the purchase and told the customer the total cost including 10% discount in just 15 - 20 seconds).

GM: Boss, you don't even use calculator?

Bramhadev: Sir, educated people need calculator and mobile phones to calculate. Not me.

GM: Started smiling and put my head down (because I was using calculator to calculate the cost of my purchase).

Bramhadev: I continuously practiced calculating. I am doing this since 10 years and I have become perfect. I am sure, I will never err in my calculation.

After this, GM made a purchase and the next whole day, he was thinking about their conversation again and again. He would like to infer what he learnt.

1. Without higher education, Bramhadev is not jobless. Whereas our today's graduates with distinction are still in search of a job.
 
2. Without higher education, Bramhadev has good communication skills. But, today's corporate world complains about our graduates for having no communication skills.

3. Without higher education, Bramhadev earns in lakhs, where as our current generation graduates complains of not having enough salary to pay their EMIs.

4. Without higher education, Bramhadev's mathematical mind works faster than today's graduates who has cleared different levels of mathematics papers with high scores. Today's graduates needs Mobile Phones to perform simple calculation.

5. Without higher education, Bramhadev has no fear of losing his job, but today's graduate employees are always fear of getting fired from company they are working in.

Now, the question in mind is

"HOW DOES HIGHER EDUCATION HELP ONESELF? 

DOES STUDYING MORE BRINGS MORE FEAR IN AN INDIVIDUAL?

*********




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