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Part 128 - Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings

*💐Don't Compare Ur Life To Others, Bcoz There's No Comparison Between The Sun And The Moon, They Shine When It's Their Time!*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌹Mushkil Waqt Ka Sabse Bada Sahara Hai Umeed, 
Jo Ek Pyari Si Muskan Dekar Kano Me 
Dheere Se Kehti Hai "Sab Accha Hoga"!*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌷What People Think About You Is Not Important, 
What You Think About Yourself Means Everything.*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂
*🌺The first lesson on the path to becoming a peacemaker is to stop being at war with yourself.
If you remain calm in a day today situations it will help you develop the habit of remaining peaceful in difficult times.*
⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂⚬⛂⛀⛂⛀⛂

*********

श्रीमती जी की रात के दो बजे अचानक नींद खुली तो पाया कि पति बिस्तर पे नहीं है।

जिज्ञासावश उठीं, खोजा,...
तो देखा डाइनिंग टेबल पर बैठे
पति जी कॉफी का कप हाथ में ले कर, विचारमग्न, दीवार को घूर रहे हैं। पत्नी चुपचाप पति को कॉफी की चुस्की लेते हुए बीच-बीच में आँख से आँसू पोंछते देखती रही। फिर पति के पास गई और बोलीं, “क्या बात है, डियर? तुम इतनी रात गए यहाँ क्या कर रहे हो..?” पति जी ने कॉफी से नज़र उठाई। “तुम्हें याद है, 14 साल पहले जब तुम सिर्फ 18 साल की थीं?” पति बड़ी गम्भीरता से बोला..। पत्नी पति के प्यार को देख कर भाव विभोर हो गई, बोली, “हाँ, याद है..।” कुछ रुक कर पति जी बोले “याद है जब तुम्हारे जज पिता जी ने हमें मेरी कार मे घुमते हुए देख लिया था' । पत्नी हाँ हाँ.. याद है..।” “याद है कैसे उन्होंने मेरी कनपटी पर बन्दूक रख कर कहा था, “या तो इस से शादी कर लो, या 14 साल के लिए अन्दर कर दूँगा..।” “हाँ.. हाँ.. वह भी याद है।” अपनी आँख से एक और आँसू पोंछते हुए पति बोला.. “ …"आज मैं छूट गया होता...!!” 😉😊😊😛😜👌

*********

WORLD's BEST MESSAGE for FRIENDs📝💌

I hug you 
...but I'm not your life patner. 
I care for you 
...but I'm not from your family. 
I am ready to share your pain 
...but I'm not in your blood relation...

I'm your... Friend!🤗😘 

A True friend scolds like a Dad ! 
Cares like a Mom ! 
Irritates like a Sister ! 
Teases like a Brother ! 
And finally 
Loves you more than a lover....

Send to all your special frends who mean a lot to you.

Life is Really Nothing
without love & care .

Give it to everyone,
But don't expect it Back ,
Because
it's a Feel Not a Deal...!

Always try to spend few seconds
with your friends... even if you are busy.

Because one day you might get free time🕰
but not your friends back⏳

So always stay in touch....

*********

Guruji... Help me with the way to find my own inner defects...

Guruji: 
Poor fellow, you came all the way to me for this simple problem...

Just say to your wife gently that she has put on weight... She will immediately tell you all the defects that you and your family have been carrying for the last 7 births!

😂😂

*********

*कोई भी व्यक्ति आपके* 
*पास तीन कारणों से आता* *है !*
*भाव से,अभाव से और प्रभाव से*

*यदि भाव से आया है तो उसे प्रेम दो।*
*अभाव में आया है तो मदद करो*
*और यदि प्रभाव में आया* *है*
*तो प्रसन्न हो* *जाओ कि परमात्मा ने* *आपको इतनी क्षमता दी है*

*********

*ज़िंदगी तो सभी के लिए* 
    *एक रंगीन किताब है ..!*
            *फर्क बस इतना है कि,*
            *कोई हर पन्ने को दिल से*
           *पढ़ रहा है; और*
            *कोई दिल रखने के लिए*
            *पन्ने पलट रहा है।*
    *हर पल में प्यार है*
    *हर लम्हे में ख़ुशी है ..!*
           *खो दो तो यादें हैं,* 
           *जी लो तो ज़िंदगी है* ..!!

*********

😯जज:औरत से 
" हां तो आपके तलाक की जमीन क्या है....? " 

👱औरत :
" जमीन शहर के बीचों बीच एक बहुत बड़ा आलीशान बंगला है...और उसके साथ थोड़ी सी खाली जामीन हैं..." 

😯जज :
" नहीं...नहीं....!! मेरे कहने का मतलब है कि तलाक के लिए ग्राउंड क्या क्या हैं....?? " 

👱औरत :
" ग्राउंड तो बंगले के साथ ही है...पर बहुत ज्यादा बड़ा नहीं है...." 

😯जज :
" आप समझ नहीं रही हैं.......मैं आधार की बात कर रहा हूँ......" 

👱औरत :
" आधार कार्ड तो बना हुआ है लेकिन उनका कैमरा अच्छा न होने से फोटो अच्छी नही आई........" 

😯जज:
" तलाक की नींव क्या चीज है......?? " 

👱औरत:
" नींव काफी गहरी है....आप चिंता ना करें...." 

😯जज:
" देवी जी आप तलाक क्यों लेना चाहती हैं.......?? " 

👱औरत :
" तलाक मैं नहीं मेरे पति लेना चाहते हैं...." 

😯जज ( औरत के 👨पति से ) :
" आपके अपनी पत्नी से तलाक लेने की वजह क्या है....?? " 

पति -- यही मगज़मारी जो अभी आपके साथ हुई, मेरे साथ रोज़ होती है..                      

जज की आंख मे आंसू
😪😥😪😥
😤😤😤😂😂😂😂

*********

Hilarious                                                            

Woman is at a maternity hospital in lot of pain.

Her husband strokes her back and says, *"I'm sorry sweety, you have to go through this"*

She smiles reassuringly and says, *"Don't worry sweetheart. It's not your fault.".....*
😜😝

*********

*💐Smile indicates the Sweetness of Heart and Silence indicates the Maturity of Mind. Having both Indicates Completeness of Being Human.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌹Doing Good to Someone is like making fixed deposit in God's Bank. We may not be able to calculate the Interest, But He does it & will give back to Us, when we need it the most.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌷Cute friendship: One day Sea asked River, "How long will u keep entering into my salty heart.?" River replied "Untill you become sweet.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦
*🌺Life is a railway station where love is a train, it would come & go anytime. But Friendship is a railway track ====== it remains forever.*
💦💧💦💧💦🔹💦💧💦💧💦

*********

एक महिला अपनी सहेली से-

कल दिन भर नेट ही नहीं चला ...

सहेली : ओह !! फिर तूने क्या किया?

कुछ नहीं क्या करती ..पूरा दिन पति से बातें कर के निकाला । 
"अच्छा आदमी लगा  स्वभाव से"

😳😳��😝😝😝😝

*********

क पति अपनी गर्भवती पत्नी को अस्पताल के अंदर लेकर जा रहा था।

एक आदमी---" आपकी पत्नी हैं क्या ?? "

पति---" हाँ..! "

आदमी---" Pregnent हैं क्या ?? "

पति ( गुस्से में )---" नहीं, Football निगल गई है। हट बाजू....!! " 
😂😂

*********

*9 short stories worth reading*  ..
 
1. *FALL and RISE*
Today, when I slipped on the wet tile floor a boy in a wheelchair caught me before I slammed my head on the ground.  He said, “Believe it or not, that’s almost exactly how I injured my back 3 years ago .
 
2. *A FATHER'S ADVICE*
Today, my father told me, “Just go for it and give it a try!  You don’t have to be a professional to build a successful product.  Amateurs started Google and Apple.  Professionals built the Titanic
 
3. *The POWER of UNIQUENESS* .
Today, I asked my mentor – a very successful business man in his 70’s – what his top 3 tips are for success.  He smiled and said, “Read something no one else is reading, think something no one else is thinking, and do something no one else is doing.
 
4. *LOOKING BACK*
Today, I interviewed my grandmother for part of a research paper I’m working on for my Psychology class.  When I asked her to define success in her own words, she said, “Success is when you look back at your life and the memories make you smile.
 
5. *TRY and YOU shall KNOW*
I am blind by birth. When I was 8 years old, I wanted to play baseball. I asked my father- "Dad, can I play baseball?" He said "You'll never know until you try." When I was a teenager, I asked him, - "Dad Can I become a surgeon?". He replied "Son, you'll never know until you try." Today I am a Surgeon, just because I tried!
 
6. *GOODNESS & GRATITUDE*
Today, after a 72 hour shift at the fire station, a woman ran up to me at the grocery store and gave me a hug.  When I tensed up, she realized I didn’t recognize her.  She let go with tears of joy in her eyes and the most sincere smile and said, “On 9-11-2001, you carried me out of world trade centre.
  
7. *LOOKING BACK*
Today, as my father, three brothers, and two sisters stood around my mother’s hospital bed, my mother uttered her last coherent words before she died. She simply said, “I feel so loved right now. We should have gotten together like this more often.”
 
8. *AFFECTION*
Today, I kissed my dad on the forehead as he passed away in a small hospital bed.  About 5 seconds after he passed, I realized it was the first time I had given him a kiss since I was a little boy.
 
9. *SHARING*
Today, I was traveling in Kenya and I met a refugee from Zimbabwe.  He said he hadn’t eaten anything in over 3 days and looked extremely skinny and unhealthy.  Then my friend offered him the rest of the sandwich he was eating.  The first thing the man said was, “We can share it.”
 
_Cheers to life_😊😊
*********
To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... 😁
And those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.😯

As Ben Franklin said: 
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials, 
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 
1 litre of water each day, 
At the end of the year we would have absorbed 
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - 
bacteria found in faeces. 😯
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However, 
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer 
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor) 🍻🍺
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process 
Of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.
             
Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health.
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of shit.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: 
I'm doing it as a public service.....!!!😊😂😉👍😘✌✌✌🍻🍻🍻🍺🍺🍺🍷🍷🍷

*********

लडका मुँह लटकाते हुए घर आया
,
बाप:-दुखी क्यूँ हो बेटा
,
.
लडका:-पापा में फेल हो गया
,
.
बाप:-कोई बात नहीं बेटा शायद तुम्हारी
किस्मत में फेल होना लिखा था
,
,
लडका:-अच्छा हुआ जो में पूरी साल नहीं
पढा वरना पूरी साल की मेहनत
बेकार जाती.... -,- -,- 😂 😂 😂
,
दे चप्पल दे चप्पल 😂 😂😀😁😀

*********

लड़की वाले: लड़का शराब पीता है?
.
लड़के वाले: जी बिलकुल पीता है और रोज़ पीता है।
.
.
लड़की वाले: इसका मतलब अच्छा कमाता है। हमारी तरफ से ये रिश्ता पक्का।
.
.
रिश्ता वही सोच नयी। 
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

*********

दुनिया वाले पूछते हैं :
अधूरे सपने पूरे करने के लिए 
क्या करना चाहिए ? 😕
.
.
.
.
हमारा जवाब है: दोबारा सो जाना चाहिए 😜😜😜😝😝

*********

बच्चा :- मैडम जी मैं अंदर आ जाऊँ ⁉ 😊😊
.
मैडम :- बाकी सब बच्चे टाइम से क्लास में आ गये। तुम लेट कैसे आये 😠😠
.
बच्चा :- झुंड में तो गीदड आते है।
शेर तो अकेला ही आता है। 😁😁😁
.
दे थप्पड 👋 👋 👋 👋👋 👋 
👋 👋 👋👋 👋 दे थप्पड ।।

**********

इंसान का दिमाग 24 घंटे काम करता है...!!
.
.
सिर्फ वह दो बार ही बंद हो जाता है..,,
.
पहला exam के समय
.
.
 और दूसरा बीवी पसंद करते समय..😝😝😝

*********

पिता- अगर तू फिर परीक्षा में फेल हुआ तो मुझे पापा मतv बोलना 😡😡
.
रिजल्ट के बाद ..
.
पिता- तुम्हारा रिजल्ट कैसा रहा? 😳😳
.
पुत्र- दिमाग खराब मत कर मदनलाल, तूने बाप होने का हक खो दिया है.. 😝😝😝😝

*********

कमाल है यार
सबको फोन लगा रहा हूं
पर कोई फोन नहीं उठा कहा है।
पर सबने same कॉलर tune लगा रखी है….

बंता : कोन सी टोन

संता : यह कॉल करने हेतु आपके अकाउंट में पर्याप्त बैलेंस नहीं है”
😄😄😄😄😜

*********

```Notices in hotels ...
Bound to raise a laugh ...```      
  
In an Ahmedabad Hotel :      
 *It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read this notice.*

In a Baroda hotel elevator :          *The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.*

In a Surat hotel lobby :                 *Please leave your values at the front desk.*

In a hotel in Jamnagar :                *Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.*

In an Ahmedabad hotel near Gujarat College :             
*You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.*

Edwards Laundry on Relief Road, Ahmedabad :            *Drop your trousers here for best results.*

In a Bhavnagar hotel :                   *Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is requested that the lobby be used for this purpose.*

In an Anand laundry :                    *Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.*

In a Heritage hotel at Junagadh :    
*Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.*

Advertisement for donkey rides (on the famous white asses) in Rann of Kutch :           
*Would you like to ride on your own ass?*

In a 5-star hotel cocktail lounge in Ahmedabad :             
*Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.*

In the office of a Ahmedabad gynaecologist :                  
*Specialist in women and other diseases.*

In a Baruch hotel :                         
*The manager has personally passed all the water served here.*

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