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Jokes , Fun , Haasya , Humor , Quotes , Greetings - Part 92

GOA RADIO ORGANISED A COMPETITION FOR POEMS,  IN WHICH  *THE FIRST LINE MUST BE ROMANTIC* BUT   *SECOND LINE SHOULD BE THE OPPOSITE*

Here is the ultimate prize winning poem...

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you messed up my life. I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not. I love your smile, your face and your eyes, Damn, I'm good at telling lies! My feelings for you, no words can tell, Except for maybe 'Go to hell.' What inspired this amazing rhyme? A bottle of Feni with some lime ! 😂😜😂😜😂

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😡ಅಪ್ಪ ಮಗನ್😩 ಹಿಡ್ಕೊಂಡು ಎಗ್ಗಾ ಮಗ್ಗಾ ಹೊಡಿತಾಯಿದ್ದಾ...

ಪಕ್ಕದಮನೆಯವನು:   ಏಕ್ರಿ ಈ ರೀತಿ ಹೊಡಿತಿದ್ದೀರಿ.....😳

ಅಪ್ಪ:   ನಾಳೆ ಇವನು ಬರೆದಿರುವ ಪರಿಕ್ಷೇ ಫಲಿತಾಂಶ ಬರುತ್ತೆ....😨

ಪಕ್ಕದಮನೆಯವ:  ಅದಕ್ಕೆ ಇವತ್ತು ಏಕೆ ಹೊಡಿಯೊದು..

ಅಪ್ಪ:  ನಾಳೆ ನಾನು ಊರಲಿರಲ್ಲ ..... 😂😂

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How to add extra fun in your WONDER LA roller coaster ride ?
Carry some extra nut bolts with you.
As soon as the ride begins, tap on the shoulders of guy in front of you and say....
"saar , idhu nim seat inda biddoythu" 😂😂😂

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ONE DAY I DECIDED TO QUIT
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality… I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with god
“God”, I asked,
“Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”.
His answer surprised me…
“Look around”, He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo ?
“Yes”, I replied.
“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light.I gave them water.The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
“In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed.But I would not quit.
In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit.” He said.
“Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant…But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.”
He asked me. “Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots”.
“I would not quit on the bamboo.I will never quit on you.”
“Don’t compare yourself to others.” He said.”The bamboo had a different Purpose than the fern.
Yet they both make the forest beautiful.”"Your time will come”, God said to me.
“You will rise high”.
“How high should I rise?” I asked.
“How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.
“As high as it can?” I questioned.”Yes.” He said, “Give Me glory by rising as high as you can.”
I left the forest and brought back this story.I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on
you.Never, Never, Never, Give up.
Don’t tell the Lord how big the problem is, tell the problem how Great the Lord is!

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ಒಬ್ಬ ರಾಜ.. ಅವನ ಸೇನೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ನೂರಾರು ಕುದುರೆ, ಒಂಟೆ, ಆನೆ, ಕಾಲಾಳುಗಳು.. 

ರಾಜನಿಗೆ ಒಂದು ಆನೆಯ ಮೇಲೆ ಬಲು ಪ್ರೀತಿ. ಪ್ರತಿ ಯುದ್ಧವೇ ಆಗಲಿ ಮತ್ತೇನೇ ಆಗಲಿ ತಾಳ್ಮೆಯಿಂದ ಶ್ರದ್ಧೆಯಿಂದ ತನ್ನ ಕೆಲಸ ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡು ಬರುತ್ತಾ ಇತ್ತು..

ಹೀಗೆ ಇರುವಾಗ ಆನೆಗೆ ಕೂಡ ವಯಸ್ಸಾಗ್ತಾ ಬಂತು.. ಕೆಲ್ಸ ಮಾಡೋ ಕ್ಷಮತೆ ಕುಂದಿದಂತೆ ಕಾಣ ತೊಡಗಿತು. 

ರಾಜ ಇನ್ನು ಈ ಆನೆಗೆ ತೊಂದರೆ ಕೊಡುವುದು ಬೇಡ ಎಂದು ಅದನ್ನ ಕೆಲಸಕ್ಕೆ ಹಚ್ಚುವುದ ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಲು ಹೇಳಿದ. ಆನೆ ಮಂಕಾಗತೊಡಗಿತು.. 
ಒಮ್ಮೆ ನೀರು ಕುಡಿಯಲು ಹೋದ ಆನೆ ಕೆಸರಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿಕೊಂಡು ಬಿಟ್ಟಿತು.. ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಪಟ್ಟರೂ ಹೊರ ಬರಲು ಸಾಧ್ಯವಾಗದೆ ಘಿಳಿಡಲು ತೊಡಗಿತು.. ರಾಜ ಸೈನಿಕರ ಜೊತೆ ಬಂದು ಎಷ್ಟೇ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಪಟ್ಟರೂ ಆನೆ ಕೆಸರಲ್ಲಿ ಹೂತುಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಲೇ ಹೋಯ್ತು .. ರಾಜ ನೊಂದುಕೊಂಡ .. ಮಂತ್ರಿಗಳ ಮುಖ ನೋಡಿದ .. ಒಬ್ಬ ಮಂತ್ರಿ ಸೈನಿಕರ ಕರೆದು ಯುದ್ಧ ಕಹಳೆಯ ದನಿ ಹೊರಡಿಸಲು ಹೇಳಿದ .. ಕಹಳೆಯ ದನಿ ಮೊಳಗಿದಂತೆಲ್ಲಾ ಆನೆ ಕಿವಿ ನಿಮಿಸಿರಿ
ಕಣ್ಣರಳಿಸಿ ನೋಡಿ ತನ್ನೆಲ್ಲ ಶಕ್ತಿಯನ್ನು ಹಾಕಿ ಹೊರ ಬಂತು ..ಎಲ್ಲರೂ ಹರ್ಷೋದ್ಘಾರ ಮಾಡಿದರು ... 

ಮಂತ್ರಿ ಹೇಳಿದ 'ಶರೀರ ಬಲವೊಂದೇ ಬದುಕಲ್ಲ ಪ್ರಭು, ಬದುಕಲು ಒಳಗಿನಿಂದ ಒಂದು ಸ್ಪೂರ್ತಿ ಬೇಕು.. ಆ ಸ್ಪೂರ್ತಿ ಬದುಕಲು ಪ್ರೇರೇಪಿಸಿದಾಗ ಮಾತ್ರ ಬದುಕಲು ಛಲ ಬರುತ್ತದೆ . ಆ ಸ್ಪೂರ್ತಿ ನಮ್ಮ ಮೇಲೆ ನಮ್ಮವ್ರು ಇಟ್ಟಿರುವ ಭರವಸೆ, ಪ್ರೀತಿಗಳಿಂದ ಸಿಗುತ್ತದೆ..... '
ರಾಜಾ ಆನೆಯ ಬಳಿ ಹೋಗಿ ಹಣೆಗೊಂದು ಮುತ್ತನಿತ್ತ .. 
ಒಂದು ಸಣ್ಣ ಒಳ್ಳೆಯ ಮಾತು, ಸ್ಪರ್ಶ, ನಗು ಬದುಕಿನ ಹಾದಿಯ ಬದಲಿಸಬಲ್ಲುದು .... 

ಬದುಕು ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಅಷ್ಟೇ ....... ಬದುಕಲು, ಬದುಕಿಸಲು, ಬದುಕನ್ನ ಬದುಕಿಸಲು 

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ಜೀವನಕ್ಕಿರುವ ಮೂರು ಘಟ್ಟಗಳ ಪರಿಚಯ 
೧ #ಹುಟ್ಟು * ಸಂಬಂಧಿಕರಿಗೆ ತಿಳಿಯಬೇಕಾದದ್ದು
೨ #ಬದುಕು * ನಮಗೆ ತಿಳಿಯಬೇಕಾದದ್ದು
೩ #ಸಾವು * ಲೋಕಕ್ಕೆ ತಿಳಿಯಬೇಕಾದದ್ದು

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A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl. :p . Doctor used to give her a rose daily and engineer used to give the girl an apple. O.o . Girl got confused and asked engineer :\ There is a meaning of giving rose in  Why are you giving me apple ?  . . Engineer answered : Because "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"😂😂😂😂😂😂😝

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*Strange but true...!!!!!*

*1 - Inspite of so many colors - Black & White is considered Class.*

*2 - Inspite of so many voices words & sounds - Silence is considered ultimate.*

*3 - Inspite of so much to eat - Fasting is considered healthy.*

*4 - Inspite of so much to travel & explore - Meditating under trees & mountains is considered superior.*

*5 - Inspite of so much to see - Closing your eyes & looking within is Apex.*

*6 - Inspite of listening to all the outside world - Voice from inside You is eternal.*

*7 - Inspite of a Sweet charming Life - A Peaceful Soul is Solace & Divine.*

*Trust your Senses. Live a Great Life.*

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A woman baked chapatti (roti) for members of her family and an extra one for a hungry passerby. 

She kept the extra chapatti on the window sill, for whosoever would take it away. Every day, a hunchback came and took away the chapatti. 
Instead of expressing gratitude, he muttered the following words as he went his way: 

“ ‪#The_Evil_yoU_Do_Remains_with_yoU‬: 
‪#The_Good_yoU_Do_Comes_Back_to_yoU‬! ” 

This went on, day after day. 
Every day, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and uttered the words:
“The evil you do, remains with you: 
The good you do, comes back to you!” 

The woman felt irritated.

“Not a word of gratitude,” 
she said to herself… 

“Everyday this hunchback utters this jingle! What does he mean?”

One day, exasperated, she decided to do away with him. 
“I shall get rid of this hunchback,”
she said. 
And what did she do? 
She added poison to the chapatti she prepared for him! 

As she was about to keep it on the window sill, her hands trembled. “What is this I am doing?”  she said. 
Immediately, she threw the chapatti into the fire, prepared another one and kept it on the window sill. 
As usual, the hunchback came, picked up the chapatti and muttered the words: 
“The evil you do, remains with you: The good you do, comes back to you!”

The hunchback proceeded on his way, blissfully unaware of the war raging in the mind of the woman. Every day, as the woman placed the chapatti on the window sill, she offered a prayer for her son who had gone to a distant place to seek his fortune. 
For many months, she had no news of him.. She prayed for his safe return.

That evening, there was a knock on the door. As she opened it, she was surprised  to find her son standing in the doorway. He had grown thin and lean. His garments were tattered and torn. He was hungry, starved and weak. 

As he saw his mother, he said, “Mom, it’s a miracle I’m here. While I was but a mile away, 
I was so famished that I collapsed. I would have died, but just then an old hunchback passed by. 
I begged of him for a morsel of food, and he was kind enough to give me a whole chapatti. 

As he gave it to me, he said, 
“This is what I eat everyday  : today, I shall give it to you, for your need is greater than mine!” 

” As the mother heard those words, her face turned pale. 
She leaned against the door for support. 
She remembered the poisoned chapatti that she had made that morning. 
Had she not burnt it in the fire, 
it would have been eaten by her own son, and he would have lost his life! 

It was then that she realized the significance of the words: 

“The evil you do remains with you: 
The good you do, comes back to you!” 

‪#Moral‬:
Do good and Don’t ever stop doing good, even if it is not appreciated at that time.  

If you like this, share it with others and I bet so many lives would be touched . 

Share it and inspire others.

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One day, Mickey Mouse asks Donald Duck to tell him the Ramayana. 

Donald duck is impressed and starts reading verses from Ramayana. 

Mickey Mouse continues to listen. After completing the wholeRamayan, Donald Duck lets out a big sigh and asks Mickey Mouse, 

"Mickey Mouse, tell me...who was the father of Lord Ram?" 

Mickey Mouse cannot remember 

Angry, Donald duck, again asks, " Mickey Mouse!!! tell me...what was the capital of Ram's kingdom!" 

Mickey Mouse cannot answer again. 

Infuriated, Donald Duck kicks Mickey Mouse hard, and MickeyMouse goes and collides with a wall. As soon as he collides with the wall,he gets up and starts saying verses of Ramayana from start to end.... And gives all the answers

How did this happen??? 

SCROLL DOWN 

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Ok 

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After hitting the wall, Mickey becomes 

Wall-Mickey (Valmiki)... 
please don't throw your mobile..😄😄
.......Bolo Jai Shree Ram!!!
😂
Wal Micky....😜👌

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WHY MEN ARE SO HONEST!!!!!
 
 
  If you are female and reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if male, then feel proud after reading it! 

 "One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No." 

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes." 

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy. 

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE.

"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' toANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason and for the benefit of others. 

That's our story, and we're sticking to it! -

"WE, MEN, ARE TRULY HONORABLE !!!"

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